Food - glorious food!

I love food! I have no problem admitting that. I swear, I think about food all day long. There are times when I'm full and I just think "mmm, that would taste good right now." Even if I'm not hungry.

Now while I say that, I don't think I overeat. I'm not one to sit with a whole bag of chips or cookies or an entire 1.75 liter (cause they don't make half gallons anymore) bucket o' ice cream. But sometimes, I'm full from one thing, but my taste buds start dancing and wanting something else. It's terrible.

I get to work in the morning and I haven't even eaten breakfast yet and I'm already thinking about what I can have for lunch or dinner. It's still only September and I'm thinking about what I'm going to make for Thanksgiving. I'm thinking about what kinds of goodies I can make to share with friends and family.

I love food!

Life is what happens when you're making plans.

My Dad always said that when I was growing up. It always bugged me, but it's true. My plan had been to focus on losing weight and getting in shape before my 40th birthday and then...my Mom got sick and we found out it was cancer. So now I'm stressed and focused on keeping her spirits up and working 2 jobs and trying to pay the bills...and I'm just not eating the way I should and I'm not getting in the workouts that I'd wanted to. It's just not easy.

The good news is that at least I'm not gaining anything. And for the last three days, someone has said that I look like I've really lost a lot. The truth is, the numbers on the scale haven't really changed and I haven't lost anything since May.

But it really feels good when people are telling me that they see a difference. Just that little bit of reinforcement helps.

So...try to say something nice to someone today. It will make you both feel good.

OT - It's not Rocket Science

I should start another blog just about all the people I see throughout the day. Now that would be entertaining.

I went out at lunch to buy a card for my niece's birthday. She'll be 16 next week. I'm not sure how that happened exactly (yes, I understand she was born in 1993, which was 16 years ago, but I can't figure out where those 16 years went), but I swear it was just last week that I was 16.

Anyway, I go to this great little shop, Copley Flair and wind up spending $25 on cards. What started as 1 ended up being 6 and 2 of them were extra special. Of course, when I was there I realized I needed a birthday card for my Mom too. Her birthday is 2 days after my niece's.

So nothing exciting happened at the card store or on the walk back to my office, but then I walk in the front door and head to the security screener. It's just like the airport. You take everything out of your pockets, put it in the little tray, put the tray and any bags you have on the belt and it goes through the scanner. The only difference is, you don't take off your shoes. Sounds easy enough, right? Apparently not.

I walk in and there is a guy standing there emptying his pockets. I'm not sure exactly how he was able to walk with all the stuff he was pulling out of his pockets. I think the security guard's eyes were going to pop out of his head with how many times this guy stuck his hand back in and pulled something else out. And he is totally oblivious to the line forming behind him. Finally he finishes and starts to walk away, at which point the guard had to call him back and tell him to put the tray on the belt or it wasn't going anywhere. Geesh dude! Then it's off through the people screener. Thankfully, he didn't set that off.

I go through and I'm happy to say, I've never set the thing off. Not once. I reach around the guy and grab my purse. He's now got to spend 15 minutes putting all the junk back in his pockets. I hop on an elevator and get back up to my office. I stop and talk to the receptionist and a few minutes later, in walks the guy from downstairs - Mr. 40lb pants. Oh geesh! Sure am glad he wasn't coming to see me or one of my people.

So that was today's little adventuce.

Down an even teenier, tinier bit.

Down 0.2 this week. Oh well. Stress and PMS will affect weight loss. I'm shooting for a big number next week.

And I'm hoping to be a little more amusing in my posts.

Weigh-In Day

I'm still not expecting big things at tonight's weigh-in, but we'll see. Check back here tomorrow morning for the result.

In the meantime, I guess I should talk about my Skechers Shape Ups. Have you heard of them? They are sneakers that are supposed to improve circulation, correct your posture, and give you a work out when you are walking. (For more info, check out the Skechers website). I've had mine for about a week now and I do notice a difference. I'm definitely standing up straighter. I can feel it, but I can also see it when I'm on my Wii Fit. For anyone who has ever used the Wii Fit, when you do your Body Test and it checks your balance, I've never been good at getting it in the middle - not even close. But this past week, I'm almost dead center every time. I'm also feeling some tightening in my leg and butt muscles. So they appear to be working as they should. Of course, it takes work on my part too. They aren't miracle shoes. I do need to walk correctly in order for them to do their job, but I'm learning to do that.

I'll keep you posted over the coming weeks on how they are doing, especially since my walk for JDRF (www.jdrf.org - still time to join my team or make a donation - PLEASE!!!!) is only a few weeks away now and I plan on wearing them then too.

The shoes retail at Skechers for around $110-120. My store (shameless plug - Off Broadway Shoes) sells them too for $99.90. Since I get a discount, I was able to save a few $$ too, which is always a bonus.

Stress!!

I've been disappointed in my lack of weight loss, but after talking to my WW leader, she commended me on being able to maintain given all the stress I've been under.

People think my life is a bit stressful anyway and they don't know how I deal with working 2 jobs, but I've gotten accustomed to that. But now with Mom's surgeries, cancer diagnosis and impending chemo/radiation - the stress level just skyrocketed. I know that Mom is the one going through all of this, but I feel an added burden because I'm the only one of her kids who lives locally. She doesn't have any other family or friends (except Dad) who can be there for her and Dad doesn't exactly handle this kind of thing well. He can be an added stress. But I can't always be there. I live locally, but locally is 45 minutes away. And I have to work. I can't afford to be out for any length of time and I really can't afford to quit my 2nd job right now either. I've thought about it but it's just not possible.

So, is the stress keeping me from losing weight? Quite possibly. But I've been pushing myself to get out and walk at lunch several times a week. I think I need it for my mental health too. Just to escape. There are days that I just want to cry for hours - but so far I haven't even found the time to do that.

Losing 50 by 40 is looking like a very daunting task. If I can't start to put up some real loss numbers soon, I suspect that I'm not going to make it. We may have to change the title to 25 by 40.

Down a teeny, tiny bit.

Ok, just a quick post because I need to get to work. Weigh-in was last night and I was down .4 lbs. Not much, but it's down.

I've also been walking at lunch all week and I bought the new Skechers Shape-ups, which I'll post more about later or tomorrow.

Quick Friday night post

It's Friday and counting WW points tends to get a little lost on Friday's. I can't say no to the bagels that the office provides for us. Never going to happen. But it's my treat. Lunch, I went to my favorite place in Boston - Flour Bakery. You have got to try it. I always get the roast beef sandwich. They make their own bread and it's piled high with roast beef, arugala or some other greens, tomatoes, the horseradish sauce and crispy onions. It's just so good! And I just couldn't help myself, I had to get one of their oh so yummy chocolate cupcakes. (It's all Julie's fault. She got one when we went there together and I tried it and now I'm addicted.)

Dinner was Panera. I know, bad, eating out for all 3 meals. But dinner was supposed to be at home, except that I got a call from the secret shopper place that I do stuff for and they needed me to do a dinner shop at Panera. So I did, but I did some research on their website for the healthier options and I actually only ate half anyway - so better than I could have been.

Ok, it's date night with the hubby, which means tv on the couch - so I should go spend some time with him. Catch you sometime over the weekend!

Plus One!

206. Yep, I gained a pound. I won't make excuses, but I know that part of that is because I probably should have visited the little girl's room before the weigh-in. But, if I'd been paying attention and doing what I was supposed to do the last week or so, I wouldn't have had any gain. I probably shouldn't have had those cupcakes last week, or the cake and ice cream, or the fried clams and clam cakes. Yep, as you can see, I didn't eat the healthiest. But it was a stressful week and I just didn't put in the effort.

So this is a new week and I have to start fresh. I do have a splurge planned for this weekend, but that's what those extra 35 points are for. And maybe if I plan ahead, I'll be less likely to mess up on regular days. That's my thought process anyway. We'll have to see how that works out.

I am going to walk at lunch today. And with the cooler temps, my plan is to walk at least 3 days a week during lunch. And I need to start walking at home when I can too. I should commit to at least Monday night. My husband did say that he's going to walk with me, but we'll see how that goes. He always says he will but then when I ask him to join me, he says he's too tired or some other excuse. So we will see!

Someone suggested to me that I try South Beach, and while I appreciate suggestions, tips, recipes, etc., I have to say that I don't think it's going to work for me. I tried it a few years back and couldn't keep up with it. I personally don't believe in cutting out any food group. I have to be realistic. I'm going to be eating for the rest of my life. Food is always going to be a big part of my life. And I love bread. So I know that I can't cut it out, even for a short period of time. I have cut back on bread and I'm very picky about the bread that I eat now - opting for whole grains most of the time, I know I'll never be able to give it up. I also love pasta. Why do you think I married an Italian? Love, you say...yeah, love of pasta and Italian food. (I'm kidding, but believe me, I do get excited when we're planning a visit with his family, especially an event that involves food. It's a good thing they live 200 miles away or I'd be gaining 50 by 40 instead of losing it.

Today's goals: load up on fruits and veggies. Walking! Let's see if I can hit 15,000+ steps today. Working at the store tonight should help get those extra steps.

Weigh-In Day

It's Wednesday, so you know what that means - Weight Watchers meeting tonight and my first weigh-in since I started the quest for 50 by 40. I'm hoping for a loss this week, but not expecting that it will be too much because of all the stress this past week. I'm especially watching what I eat today though and hoping that this helps me get back on track.

I did walk up to Borders at lunch yesterday and with all the walking at the store last night, I was over 12,000 steps. I can't remember the miles the came out to, but it gave me 3 activity points.

For those who don't know much about WW, you get a certain number of points each day. Everything you eat has a points value. You need to eat your alloted points each day. You also get 35 bonus points for the week that you can use any way you'd like or not use them at all. And then you can earn more points by exercising. I get 25 points per day base. I will be honest, I'm not the best at keeping track of my points. I try, but sometimes I guesstimate. I should use the online tools more, but I don't really have the time. And when we eat out on a Friday night, I almost never know how many points are in that meal. It's a lot of work, and my goal is to push myself to the point where I'm counting the points religiously. Wish me luck!

With that said, I guess I should go log into WeightWatchers.com and log my food for today. That would be a good place to start on this goal to count my points.

How do you spell "bedonkadonk"?

Sunday morning I did go walking at the track. I walked from the house to the school, which is about 1/2 mile, then 4 laps around the track (1 mile) and back home again. It felt good. My plan is to increase the number of laps every week or so and add in some actual running on the track too - sort of like interval training.

After I got home from my walk and showered/changed, it was off to do the a little shopping.

First stop: Kohl's. I had some Kohl's cash that my MIL had given to me and I'd seen this cute pair of pants when we were there a few weeks ago, so I went to check them out. We can wear black denim at the shoe store now, so I thought I'd look for a pair. And this pair I'd seen, I couldn't tell the first time if they were black or blue. After taking a closer look, I'd describe them as "ink blue". Very dark, but not black.

I found some other black jeans and tried them on. It wasn't pretty. Basically, none of them are made for a woman with JLo's butt. Ok, so I'm not as skinny as JLo anyway, but when I get skinny, I'm sure people will confuse me for her. (Ok, so my pale pasty skin might be another dead giveaway, but a girl can draem.) Anyway, I swear, there is a good 6 inches between my waist and my hiney. That's a lot of real estate. And because of this, there was a gap the size of the Grand Canyon between my waist and the waistband of all these jeans I tried on. Now I do own jeans, so I know there are some out there that will fit my larger than life derriere, I just have to find them.

Next stop - the grocery store, where I bought way too many snacks. I can control myself most of the time, but I really shouldn't be left home alone. Yesterday wasn't the best day when it came to eating. I tend to snack a lot more when I'm home.

Speaking of the grocery store, what is with the produce these days? It's awful. It takes an hour to find an edible piece of fruit. Seriously, I think I'm going to start splurging and just get my produce at Whole Foods. I know I'll be paying more, but at least I won't be throwing it away two days later because it's just rotten.

Yesterday I did go walking at the track again. Again, walked to and from and did 4 laps. But this time, I actually ran 1/4 of a lap during my middle two laps. Sure, it's not a lot, but for a girl who doesn't run even run for the bathroom, that was a marathon. Maybe if I run more, my backside will fall off. Again, a girl can dream.

Stress and frustration - and it's a Saturday! No fair!

Lots of stress lately with Mom's surgery. We did bring her home today, so that's a relief.

Frustration is coming from other areas with drama I shouldn't have to be dealing with and instead of the problem easily being resolved, as it should have been, it's blowing up to be a bigger mess because the person who should be taking care of it is blaming the wrong person! AARRGGHH!

I got on the Wii Fit this morning and it said I was down 2lbs from yesterday. That's the first time in a long time that it's actually said down a decent amount. We'll have to wait until Wednesday night to see how that translates in WW weight.

I haven't gone to walk the track yet. We were out late last night at a taping of Wheel of Fortune in Boston (actually they taped 2 shows). We weren't on the show. Just in the audience. But it was pretty cool. These episodes will air in mid-November. And today I spent the day with my parents. Picked Dad up at 10am, which meant leaving my house shortly after 9am, and then drove into Boston to pick up Mom at the hospital. That was an adventure. Only my sisters and BIL will be able to really understand because none of my friends have really seen my Dad and how he gets when he has no patience, is frustrated and just has to make his point. I try to ignore it and then feel like I need to apologize to whoever he has gone off on. My Mom gets embarassed. We finally left the hospital around 12:30 and then the long drive back to their house, grab some lunch, then waited at the house with Mom until Dad got back from his grocery store and CVS run. Just got home around 5:30 and I am BEAT!

So I'd say there isn't any chance I'm going to go for a walk tonight. So I'll have to get out there tomorrow and Monday since I promised at least 2 trips to the track.

Friday, September 4 - Labor Day Weekend

I wear a step counter daily and as I mentioned yesterday, I planned on getting out an walking at lunch - which I did. (Yay me!) I also walked uptown to catch the Silverline over to the hospital and then walked to the hospital from the Silverline stop, then reversed the whole trip. So a decent amount of walking. If I remember correctly, I did over 13,000 steps yesterday. For some reason 6 1/2 miles sticks in my head. I wrote it down at home.

I'm not sure what today holds. I did just eat my bagel and fruit for breakfast, but have no idea what lunch or dinner will bring today. It is Friday. We have plans to catch the taping of Wheel of Fortune in Boston after work tonight, but there is also a possibility that the doctor will be sending Mom home today. If they release her, we'll pick her up after work and bring her home. Either way, I should get some walking in after work, whether it's from the office to the convention center or from the office to the hospital.

It is also supposed to be a perfect weekend in my opinion. Temps in the 70's. So I'm hoping to get out to the track. Let's shoot for at least twice over the 3 days.

Hope you all have a great Labor Day weekend!

Thursday, September 3 - no weigh-in

I visited Mom at BMC last night and by the time I got home, it was too late to get over to WW to weigh-in, so you'll just have to remain in suspense until next week to find out how much I've lost. Yes, I'm saying "lost" and not "gained" because I plan on staying positive about losing weight from now on. (Let's see how long that lasts.)

I think I need to start taking notes during the day. Yesterday I walked up to Borders and was thinking about today's post and had some really good ideas of things to post and now, I haven't got a clue what those were. Guess I'll have to wing it today.

First, let me just say that Mom seems to be doing well. She was out of a bed and in a chair when I got there. She was just Mom. She did wince a little when she moved, but that's to be expected after surgery. She said she wasn't really in pain, but felt a bit of pressure and she seemed to be breathing just fine. (She had part of a lung removed, so the ability to breathe normally is important.) So for those who were wondering, so far she's doing well. I'll be heading back over there after work today.

Now back to my weight loss / get in shape plan. It's supposed to be a gorgeous day today, so I plan on getting out and walking again at lunch. This will be a real walk, not a walk to Borders. I'll be walking along the Rose Kennedy Greenway. It's a great place to walk in Boston. I have to say, the Big Dig took forever, but at least the end result with the Greenway is gorgeous. I think my goal right now is to walk at least 3 days per week, so don't let me slack off on that. I'm also hoping that with the cooler weather coming and hopefully the other areas of my life calming down again, that I'll be able to get out at night to walk over to the school and walk on the track again.

I need to get walking sooner rather than later since that JDRF Walk is coming up. (Would love to have some of you join me at the walk or I'd love to take some $$ off your hands in the form of a donation to JDRF.) I was hoping to actually run part of it too, but we'll see. If I don't get back to the track soon, I'm afraid that may not happen.

Ok, looks like it's time to get to work. Catch you all again tomorrow!

September 2, 2009 - WW Weigh-in??

Well, it's Wednesday which means I'm supposed to be weighing in at Weight Watchers tonight. But, I'm heading over to Boston Medical Center to visit my Mom after work and may not get home in time to head over to weigh in. We will see.

I'm not expecting any big weight loss this week because I have been stressed and haven't really been tracking what I'm eating. And there hasn't really been any exercise. But today at lunch, I am planning on walking. It won't be the power walk that I used to do because I want to head up to Borders so I can pick up some books & magazines to bring over to Mom tonight. I will get in more walking on my way over to the hospital too because there isn't an easy public transportation option to get over there. But it's going to be a perfect day for walking.

Breakfast today will be my english muffin and hard boiled egg again. Then I have a nectarine for my morning snack. Lunch is going to be turkey with avocado and tomato on a deli flat. If you haven't tried Deli Flats they are great. They are from Pepperidge Farm and they are round, thin little roll like things. They are only 1 point and they make the perfect sandwich. Arnold makes something similar, but I haven't tried those yet.

I did get some good news last night, but unfortunately, I can't share it just yet. So you'll all just have to wait and keep reading to find out what it is. It has nothing to do with my weight loss plans, other than it should relieve some stress.

Have a great day everyone!

Tuesday, September 1

I'm still very tired and could have used a few more hours of sleep. My head is mush! So I decided I needed a hot chocolate today to try and wake me up a bit. I go into the kitchen at work to make my hot chocolate and I spot the cake boxes from yesterday. The last Monday of every month, we have cake and ice cream to celebrate the birthdays from that month. It's a great treat, in my opinion, but probably not so great when trying to lose weight. So I decide that chocolate cake sounds really good right now with my hot chocolate, so yep, I ate a piece. Not a big piece, but a reasonable sized piece. And it tasted great! I'm still pretty friggin' tired, but I enjoyed the cake and this hot chocolate is pretty good too.

I have to say that I'm actually glad that cooler temperatures are here. I need to get out and start walking again. So tomorrow I lunch, I promise I'll be out there walking. I'm also glad that September is here because it means my brother-in-law will be home from Iraq soon and that makes me very very happy! And in November, they're coming home to visit for Thanksgiving. I can not wait!!

This post is going to be all over the place. I told you I'm tired, so I'm just expounding on different thoughts that come into my head.

I love food. I won't deny that. My life pretty much centers around food. I love to cook. I love to eat. I love reading food magazines and I love watching anything about food on television. You've probably heard the saying: Nothing tastes as good as thin feels. Well I'll tell you, I've never been thin, but I sure have found lots of very tasty things in my life and I'm not sure that thin is going to feel better than those things taste. I just don't believe it.

I do love cooking. I just don't have a big enough kitchen. Nor do I have enough time these days. With working 2 jobs, it's very hard to fit in time to really cook. I'm thinking about taking a healthy cooking class, but again, where will I find the time? One of my other goals these days is to get my debt paid off. Once that happens, I'll be quitting job #2. And I'm hoping that once the debt is paid off, we'll be able to afford to buy a place of our own. I want a house with a huge kitchen. I don't really care about any of the other rooms. Just the kitchen! And I want to have a nice big patio/deck/terrace right off the kitchen so I can have a nice grill set up out there for outdoor cooking and dining. Ahhh...if only you could see the picture in my head. The place would be amazing and then I could have dinner parties and bbq's and just friends over. Oh, I guess I'd need to get some local friends too.

But first things first...no more cake for breakfast. That has to be the last time I do that. It was good, but will it be worth it? I don't know. I may not make it to my WW weigh-in tomorrow. With Mom in the hospital, I may be visiting her after work so I may miss my meeting. I know, you're all waiting for me to post my weekly weight, but you may have to remain in suspense for another week.